The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
