I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fuck appropriateness.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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