If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
