....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
