in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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