A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
