My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
