ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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