I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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