If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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