guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
