sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
