:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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