my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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