I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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