after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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