you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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