you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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