don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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