her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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