yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
