you guys were way drunker than both of me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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