If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
