So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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