oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
