Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
