Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
