hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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