he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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