my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
