i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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