You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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