If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
