My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
