she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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