My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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