we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
