do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
