apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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