I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
