Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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