i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
