can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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