can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
