are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
