That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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