I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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