Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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