9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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