your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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