omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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