i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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