Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
