chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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