High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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