as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
