the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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