so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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