dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
