You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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