i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
