Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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