I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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