Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.