So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
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it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??