i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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