Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

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  (818): this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera http://tfl.nu/scvo
  Replies (10) Good night (3088) Bad night (642)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy

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  (803): I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy http://tfl.nu/vzq5
  Replies (11) Good night (5297) Bad night (979)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

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  (412): I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory. http://tfl.nu/1joi
  Replies (30) Good night (6400) Bad night (1223)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already

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  (724): I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already http://tfl.nu/y51h
  Replies (10) Good night (2660) Bad night (2982)
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  (315): View more from New York

  some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"

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  (315): some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!" http://tfl.nu/pcn6
  Replies (18) Good night (4494) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"

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  (510): according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins" http://tfl.nu/7zd1
  Replies (5) Good night (4301) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up

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  (402): Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up http://tfl.nu/1eo4
  Replies (5) Good night (3197) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.

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  (248): We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom. http://tfl.nu/ik6d
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.

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  (214): I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS. http://tfl.nu/qjb8
  Replies (3) Good night (1209) Bad night (607)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.

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  (416): I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison. http://tfl.nu/ptp6
  Replies (1) Good night (1265) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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  (940): Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits. http://tfl.nu/jw0d
  Replies (10) Good night (1010) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

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  (540): Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/u4dw
  Replies (2) Good night (422) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.

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  (614): She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win. http://tfl.nu/wvwz
  Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????

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  (330): Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this???? http://tfl.nu/uhtc
  Replies (9) Good night (423) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter

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  (519): this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter http://tfl.nu/w0m6
  Replies (2) Good night (263) Bad night (176)

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