I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.