U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize