I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.