Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
