my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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