Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
