I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
