she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
there is puke in my bra ... again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
