she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
