My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
