my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
someone owes me an orgasm
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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