This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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