i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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