Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
