yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
