i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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