he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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