Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
